The Barbarian Exam

Eric woke to the bright early morning sun streaming through the window. He slept in the robes he was lent by Seltherin. He hadn’t looked at his surroundings much when he was led to this room, he was entirely too tired from yesterdays events to even care. Now as he pulled himself to his feet from the couch he was sleeping on he noticed that he appeared to be in Seltherin’s office. To his right was his desk with papers strewn across them, rather hap-haphazardly which surprised Eric a bit.

“I guess you can’t be perfect in every way after all,” Eric said to himself with a yawn.

Bang, bang, bang. “It’s time to get up, we have much to do today,” Seltherin said crisply through the door. “We need to get you suitable clothing, we can not have you running around in my coat now can we. The Arcane Anomaly Authority has given you a stipend as part of integrating you into our world.”

“A stipend eh,” Eric said under his breath. “How generous. It seems odd that they’d help someone this much.”

“Come, let us break our fast so we may leave,” Seltherin said breaking Eric out of his thoughts. “I have made us food.”

Eric stands and rubs the wrinkles out of his coat and steps toward the door. “I wonder what food is like here?”

As he opens the door Seltherin is standing there with his arms folded. “First we sit, then I will begin teaching you how not to embarrass you and me with how you eat.”

“Okay? I don’t exactly know what you expect,” Eric said taken aback by the statement. “I mean, if there are ways I should eat here than I am happy to learn, I’d hate to stand out to much.”

“Good, let us eat then,” Seltherin said looking at Eric suspiciously. “Have a seat, these are our utensils.” Seltherin gestured towards what appeared to be a typical fork, spoon and knife maybe a bit fancy with filigree embossed in gold on a bluish tinted metal.

“Yes, I am aware of what a fork is but aren’t hands easier,” Eric teased. “I mean I began life using these to put all kinds of things in my mouth.”

Seltherin froze, eyes wide with genuine horror. “This. This is exactly why I insisted we begin here. You will not shovel food into your mouth with your hands like a barbarian.”

Eric barked a laugh. “Relax, my guy—I’m kidding. We’ve got forks where I come from. I know how to use one.”

Seltherin scoffed and gestured to the seat and headed to what Eric guessed was the kitchen, he’d have to see how a magical society cooked for certain but first thing first. Seltherin return carrying two plates and placed them on the table, one in front of Eric and one on the other side. Eric eyed the plate. Crimson meat. Purple potatoes. Seasoning that glittered faintly, which was either a spice or powdered gemstone. Don’t overthink it, man. Food is food. At least it smells amazing.

Seltherin was watching him like a hawk waiting for a mouse to misstep. Eric picked up the knife, cut a neat slice, and popped it into his mouth.

Oh. Oh wow. Pork taste, beef texture, perfect kick of heat. I could forgive a lot of magical nonsense if breakfast is always like this.

He swallowed politely, dabbed at his mouth with the cloth napkin Seltherin had insisted on, and gave a thumbs-up with his fork. “Wow. This is really good—compliments to the chef.”

Seltherin tilted his head, faintly suspicious. “Thank you. But tell me… who taught you to eat with such manners?”

“Uh, my mother I’d say,” Eric said. “Did you actually mean you thought I’d eat like a barbarian, I thought you were messing with me.”

“You’ll have to understand, I have never met a human who was not,” Seltherin said. “Humans in our plane are well, displaced. You will learn of this during class. For now we must finish up and get you new clothing. The Arcane Anomaly Authority has given you a small stipend, you must spend it wisely it isn’t a lot.”

“Okay, I am interested to see the… Town? City?” Eric probed.

“We are currently in one of the four great cities, we currently reside in Alyen, commonly referred to as the mage city since we have the arcanum to train would be mages.” Seltherin said with pride.

“Oh, so everyone around has to come here to learn magic, there must be a lot of people here then?” Eric inquired.

“No, mages are not as common as one may think,” Seltherin said “being a mage requires certain aptitude, it’s not like everyone is a spell caster, for that matter, I don’t even know if you have the aptitude to be a mage, what has the heavens given you as a class?”

Eric blinked. “So why were you going to send me to the arcanum if I didn’t have the potential to be a mage?” Eric asked incredulously.

“Oh that is simple, you would learn what is necessary to live and work here,” Seltherin said “I am sure you understand that being from a non-mana world that we didn’t presume you had the aptitude for spell craft.”

“Huh, well jokes on you, my class is mage,” Eric stated “and as you well know I have a lightning affinity, whatever that means for me.”

“A mage, remarkable,” Seltherin said eyebrows shooting skyward “the heavens has granted you a boon it appears, being a mage is rarer than you might imagine”

“Well the system gave me a choice, and I chose mage,” Eric said “and it seemed better than a warrior or rogue, though healer might have been interesting. But the system did suggest mage and I followed its instinct.”

“Impossible.” Seltherin’s fork clattered against his plate. “No one is given a choice.”

“Well yeah, I’d assume that being I didn’t grow up here that the system wouldn’t know what I may have worked towards,” Eric said logically “at least that is how I could see it.”

“The heavens usually does not think like we do, and why do you call it the system?” Seltherin asked one eye brow shooting up.

“Because that is what we would have called it where I am from,” Eric said plainly “this concept of being portaled to another world isn’t foreign to us, we write fantasy novels based on this very concept of what happened to me.”

“Interesting, it seems where you are from has insight beyond their understanding.” Seltherin said contemplatively. “Let us hurry, we do have much to do today.” Seltherin clapped his hands together.

Eric set his fork down. Seltherin was still watching, unreadable. Guess I passed the barbarian exam, Eric thought.

When Eric stood, he began gathering plates, cups, and silverware. “Where do you want me to put these?”

Seltherin tilted his head, momentarily perplexed, as though the act itself was unusual. Then he simply said, “Follow me.”

He led Eric into an adjoining room and gestured toward a plain-looking basin. “You may place them there.”

“Okay,” Eric said, sliding the dishes into the sink. He glanced around, expecting… something else. Instead, what he saw looked surprisingly ordinary: a stove, an oven, even a box on the far wall that could have passed for a refrigerator, sunlight catching on its surface through the nearby window.

Fascinating. I didn’t expect things to look so normal here.

Then he leaned closer. The stove’s sides were carved with channels that gleamed faintly, runes stitched into the metal like veins. The oven bore similar marks, and the refrigerator hummed with quiet glyphwork etched into its frame.

Ah. There’s the magic I was waiting for.

Seltherin studied him for a moment, as if measuring something beyond the dishes. “Your mannerisms,” he said slowly. “I wasn’t expecting this level of etiquette from a human.”

Eric set the last cup in the sink and straightened, his tone shifting from casual to firm. “I’m showing the manners I was taught on my world. Among humans there, this isn’t rare—it’s expected.”

“Interesting,” Seltherin said, his expression caught somewhere between skepticism and curiosity. “Do humans and elves get along better on your world, then?”

“We don’t,” Eric said after a pause, realizing where Seltherin was steering him. “My world doesn’t have elves at all. I mean, we have stories about elves… but your people are make-believe there.”

Seltherin’s brow furrowed. “No elves?” he repeated, the words tasting wrong in his mouth. “That is… troubling.”

He folded his arms, studying Eric as though weighing his very soul. “Either your world never birthed us—and that I find unlikely, given the symmetry of creation—or…” His voice cooled, quiet but cutting. “Your people destroyed us. Whether by blade, by blight, or by your… science, you hunted us into extinction.”

He let the thought hang in the air like a guillotine. “If that is true, it speaks more about the nature of humans in your world than you realize.”

Eric shrugged. “Maybe. It is strange that we’d have elves in our myths if there was never anything real behind them. But if they ever did exist on my world, it was before written history.” He met Seltherin’s gaze evenly. “Either way, I understand you’re curious about where I’m from. I’ll gladly tell you about my world.”

“Yes,” Seltherin said evenly. “I would like to hear more of your world. But there will be time for that later. For now, we must see you properly clothed and begin your preparations for the Arcanum.”

With that, Seltherin turned sharply on his heel and strode from the kitchen, robes whispering against the floor. He didn’t wait to see if Eric followed; the expectation was obvious. Eric tugged the borrowed coat tighter and hurried after him as Seltherin made straight for the front door.